What Is Social Confidence Anyway?
I would prefer to call it social comfort because most people want to feel comfortable and accepted when with others. The truth is, many people feel less socially confident than you might think but often do a good job at hiding it.
Anxiety of any kind has an element of being future focused. So you might have been invited to an event and you begin to ruminate about what might happen, whether people will talk to you, whether you will be able to hold a conversation and so on. Trying to anticipate the unknown is inevitably difficult.
In early adulthood, what other people think of us can hold great importance and it is true that as you get older, it can become less so as you become clearer about who you are and have gained life experience.
Feeling comfortable socially is though important. As humans, we are designed for human company and interaction. We learn from each other, support each other, entertain each other, comfort each other, create things together, compete together and so on.
INTROVERSION AND EXTRAVERSION
An important thing to be aware of is the notion of introversion and extraversion. These terms describe how a person is energised. Extraverts gain energy from being with others and particularly thrive in groups. They can be the life and soul of the party. They may even be unable to spend extended periods of time on their own.
On the other hand, introverts prefer small group interactions and are energised by spending time alone. They may find large groups drain their energy. Most of us fall somewhere between the two extremes but it may help you to think about this possibility for you. For some, simply paying attention to their natural predilection can alleviate the notion that you must be a certain way.
THE INFLUENCE OF THE PAST
Social anxiety can be the result of things that have happened in your life that have made you unsure about yourself, self-conscious, and unable to ‘let go’. These are the kinds of things I identify with you and can help you alleviate with both Hypnotherapy and Integral Eye Movement Therapy.
DEVELOP YOUR SOCIAL SKILLS
Sometimes it can be enough for a person to deliberately work on their social skills to build their social confidence and in this regard, you can make it a project to develop this aspect of yourself.
Here are some pointers.
1. Making the first move. One of the great ways to build your confidence in initiating conversations is to simply start saying things to total strangers in different places, such as at the bus stop, at the checkout in a supermarket, when waiting in line somewhere. You will be surprised at the positive response you are most likely to get.
2. If you have a social event coming up, start preparing for it. One of the things I teach clients as part of the work we do together is to mentally rehearse (visualise) the upcoming event. To see themselves entering the room quite comfortably and introducing themselves to someone, for example. This can be very powerful. It starts to lay down a new blueprint in the unconscious mind. Another thing to do would be to find out more about the event, who might be there and so on.
You can also spend some time after the event reflecting on what you enjoyed, the things you did well – for there definitely will be - and enjoying the good feelings of that. And by the way, everyone likes a good listener!
3. Join a hobby group or society that interests you. It means you will have plenty in common with others and relationships can form very much more easily in such an environment. It makes socialising fun.
If feeling confident socially is something that bothers you, get in touch. You will be surprised at how quickly things can change for you. There really is no need to suffer.
